PROJECT MUM'S DAY

welcome to week two of my project runway slagging. and we're off.

jeffrey is bummed elisha cuthbert is gone. told you he wanted to fuck her.

michael is psyched to be the first double winner. of course.

this week's challenge - dress another contestant's mother! geez.

oh my god! cruella de vil just started crying. i bet her mother was really mean to her.

there are a couple sisters. robert and vincent. vincent probably killed his mother. he has a full on norman bates vibe now that i think about it.

so... the giant buttons out of the bag...

michael: robert's sister. she's very pretty.

laura: jeff's mother "just to torture jeff."

vincent: uli's mom. poor woman. but she's a german - she's probably tough. i hope she eats him alive.

angela: laura's mom

kayne: michael's mother

uli: kayne's mom

robert: vincent's sister

jeffrey: angela's mother. 'i ended up with angela's mom because i think god got drunk today.'

so now they're off to some hoity toity party at tavern on the green with michael kors and HIS mother. michael kors' mother looks just like... michael kors.

i like this idea of using family to humanize them. kayne's mother brought kayne as a fat kid pictures of him. very cute.

'good for you, you shed a dress size and a half.'
-robert on kayne

michael as a kid - so adorable

teenage jeffrey - HEELARIOUS! 'jeffrey's been through a lot. he's a recovering alcholic. i'm so proud of him.' and his mother chokes up. i wonder if she'll be choking when she sees what an asshole her son is.

laura announces she's pregnant with child number 6. and her mother is shocked. and her husband doesn't know yet. laura's mom looks like a less uptight version. same hair just slightly sloppier.

'five, six, seven. i'll just throw it on the pile with the other ones.'
- angela on having a whole litter

they have 30 minutes for sketching. make it work!

laura's mother wants some sort of audrey hepburn thing. errr. ok. a slightly blousy middle age woman does not translate to audrey hepburn but that's just me. perhaps we all have an inner audrey. i know that i often dream of being a wistful prostitute.

jeffrey's mother's favorite color is sea foam green. ha!

angela's mother - re jeffrey - 'we ARE the challenge!'

angela's mother actually seems nice. all the mothers do. what went wrong? but uh oh. she doesn't like the dress. 'i'm going to make the dress i'm going to make. i hope you like it. if you don't like it there's not a thing i can do about it. i hope the judges like it.'

now he's telling her she's insecure. 'i don't get along with her daughter. why should i get along with her?' she's upset and insulted. and crying. and now angela's crying. oy.

jeffrey's mom is trying to console her. christ - now HIS mother is crying. now jeffrey's out with some bs about how his life is on the line with this show. oy again.

now i sort of question project runway bringing peoples' mothers into a pressure cooker situation like this. that said, i guess they should see the little satans they have spawned.

'i'm gonna walk the catwalk like the models do and i'm gonna embarrass kayne.' - kayne's mom

so i've actually voted in that stupid poll they do every week. 'who's right? jeffrey or angela's mom?' and i voted for jeffrey, believe it or not. maybe i'll win the ipod.

laura's up first with jeffrey's mother. it's her typical high waisted conservative shit. but it doesn't fit right and looks a bit sackish.

uli with kayne's mother. all flowy but not bad. kayne's mom is working it.

vincent with uli's mom. she doesn't look too bad. damnit. vincent lives another day. the judges all love it. of course.

kayne with michael's mom. she isn't smiling and she looks like a satiny pumpkin. why on earth would he put her in cropped pants? jesus. michael wants her to look like a ho and show some more skin.

angela with laura's mom. some sort of fringy black thing. it's not completely dreadful. fuck. once again the evildoers live. ooh - the judges aren't into it calling the frock stevie nicks not audrey hepburn.

robert with vincent's sister. she looks miserable and also looks like a pumpkin. they're ripping him to shreds. again.

michael with robert's sister. boy he lucked out. she is thin and attractive. he made a really cute shirtdress. reversible to go day to night. he rules.

jeffrey with angela's mom, of course. she's actually smiling. it's not bad, i guess. bit weird, though. some sort of black flowing thing with a collar. angela's mom and angela are both trashing jeffrey now.

'it looks like comme des garçons goes to the amish country.'
-michael kors on jeffrey's dress (if you can call it that.)

real tossup as to who's going to win - uli or michael, i think. but he had immunity. holy fuck, vincent's going to win, isn't he?

oh god. he did. siiiiiiiiighhhhhhhhhhh.

it's down to robert and jeffrey...

ohhh, robert's out. i'm sad. this show sucks.

WE ARE THE GOON SQUAD AND WE'RE COMING TO TOWN

ok, i know this is probably lame but for the next few weeks i'm going to post my project runway commentary that i'm sending the bun while he's on tour in europe doing bandy things. why be lame? you ask. i'm, err, painting the house, starting a business, planning a wedding and going to europe in three weeks so that's my excuse.

for those of you who don't watch, project runway is a fab show on bravo featuring wannabe designers clawing each other's eyes out and making occasionally interesting garb for the chance to show at olympus fashion week in new york and get $$ to start a line.

this week's challenge... create something out of recycling and... poster paint, apparently.

they've taken everyone to a recycling center and given them 30 minutes to take whatever they want then to an art supply center for 15 minutes.

the boys and girls are getting mean. everyone's bagging hard on laura (cruella de vil, the bitchy redhead.) hrm - she's trying to hip hop dance. not attractive. i can't believe this woman has five kids.

kayne: her dress is cute.
robert: it looks like a straitjacket.
kayne: it looks like she's sewing for herself, again. she kissed me on the cheek today.
robert: i know, i was like you're going to get a rash, you better watch it.

jeffrey: i just pray to god the judges send her to the guillotine. another highwaisted skirt. fuck.

i wonder if angela will be able to make rosettes out of cardboard and plastic bottles. oh wait, she 'loves loves loves patchwork' so she's 'going back to what she knows.'

i don't own the future, i don't go there. i just let it come. - crazy vincent
he's not mentally stable. he's weird. - bitchy laura on vincent

elisha cuthbert's having doubts. (real name: alison)

there's some serious ugly in this room right now. - laura

i love the idea of recycling. i recycle. plastics. papers. ex-boyfriends. - robert

everyone is bagging on kayne's dress but i kind of like it. he painted this giant flower on paper and made this evening gown. tim says, 'it looks like amateur hour.'

jeffrey thinks he's going to win. again. as if.

vincent's dress still looks like recycling. hideous.

laura: i just worry about your choices sometimes.
kayne: well, honey, i worry about your character and that's worse.

heidi has some horrible gigantic hair today.

it's runway time!

uli's dress is kind of cool. paper and mylar, it looks like.

angela's is hideous. it looks like tin foil. like something out of a 50s space movie. which might be cool but it's not.

vincent's is bizarre but not as hideous as i was expecting.

robert's is super cute. thank god because he has been sucking lately and i really like him even if he does design for barbie.

jeffrey's actually does look great.

laura's is pretty and the back says 'for nuts only' something she folded together. it originally said 'for peanuts only' as it's a peanut sack. this is fitting as i think she is a nutter, as well, and i fully expect some fangs to come out and we'll all see her suck the blood of one of her fellow contestants.

michael kors said elisha cuthbert's dress looks like a 'paper brioche.' ha!

i see that come out and it turns me on. that's what i like. - vincent.
god he is so crazy. i wish he would go away. he gives me the creeps.

hmm the way they're talking maybe michael is in the running (i thought it would be jeffrey or laura.) i love him. he is my new fave. the black dude from atlanta. his pam grier outfit is the best thing so far this season.

and - the winner is michael!! yay! jeffrey looks pissed and said that michael won for clothes that are the equivalent of diabetic food.' what an asshole.

kayne stayed in by the skin of his teeth and once again vincent is in the bottom two. would they just dump him already?

now it's time for heidi's weird voice over. 'there's a fine line between innovation and insanity.'

NO FUCKING WAY. they dumped elisha cuthbert and kept vincent??!! she looks crushed. laura's boob is like out of her dress as she's attacking v. i feel like i'm watching a horror film.

you can see these designs at project runway at bravotv.com

WORLD OF WIZARDS

it's so easy to be lulled into thinking no one cares about your dumb blog when only ten people read it. i wonder if i even have ten readers, anymore. ten is the loneliest number that you'll ever do, actually. they say it's one but it's easier to feel alienated in a crowd, i say.

but i don't want to be a bummer - not after i've been gone for so long! and i haven't really been gone. ok, well, i did tour manage that australian band for a week but other than that i've been here staring at the dog for days on end.

that is, until i went to chicago and experienced the joy of... wizard world.

now i have never been to a comic convention. i don't know that i will ever go again. but seeing black thor, skinny spiderman, and fat superman... there are dorks of all sizes, ladies and gents. i'm glad to know that dork does not discriminate. i sort of thought it was limited to pale, skinny white boys but alas... that's just not true!

to see more of what i saw: dungeons AND dragons

yankee candle that goes best with geeks dressed as storm troopers: may the gorse be with you